A Qatar Dump and Run
About 24 hours ago, a man in an office took out a hole punch— one of the very sturdy two-hole punchers, not a handheld one hole puncher— and put a hole through my Qatari Identification card. As far as Qatar is concerned, I no longer live here, or at least, I no longer reside here. It puts us in a funny sort of limbo for about ten days as we begin the final count down to departure (June 1st). No more apparent was this awkwardness apparent to me as I drove to a friend’s house to drop off a Nespresso machine for him and the police were doing random spot checks to ensure that residents had downloaded the new mandatory COVID-tracking app; individuals without the app on their phone face a $55,000 fine or 3 years in prison.
The QID is basically the sort of ID that some Americans fear. It is a one-stop-shop for all things Sam Hasler in Qatar. I used it to get into bars, purchase alcohol, get a phone number, set up the cable, rent a car, buy a car, sell a car, going to the hospital, birthing a child, renting an apartment, opening a bank account, and getting IKEA furniture delivered to my house. I will try to leave the house as little as possible between now and the morning of June 1.
The QID is a necessary part of life in Qatar, and today, the Ministry of the Interior canceled mine.
My HR person, the one who asked me to turn it in ten days before departure, asked me before the hole was punched officially: “Are you sure you want to do it this early? You don’t leave for another ten days!” If I had had my druthers, I would have kept it until I boarded the plane. Hell I would have kept it and let it expire (like I accidentally did in 2016. WHOOPS) and faced the “consequences” upon my next entry to Qatar in… who knows. But with Eid al Fitr fast approaching and businesses reducing hours even further, we decided not to risk it. Cancel now. Let’s not worry about trying to locate the hole punch guy in the middle of… for all intents and purposes “the Muslim Christmas” (patent pending on that). Better to take care of it now and just hunker down in the house.
For my students, who I don’t think have discovered my blog but you can never be too sure, who were quietly hoping that something would happen and we’d be forced to stay another year and teach them… this cancellation makes that process all the more difficult. We’re not home yet, and until then, who knows what can happen. But this was one more necessary final step to quitting Qatar and it happened without a hitch. (Knock on wood)
I recent bought the local grocery out of their entire stock of La Croix mineral water. We have four cans left.
But Sam, what about the car?
We sold the car. The guy with the family. The one who took it for a test drive and bailed. Well he came back! After some firm negotiating (just kidding: he made an offer, I accepted), we closed the deal. We transferred the ownership of the car (using our QID) to him the other day and after he collects the car tomorrow, c’est fin. With the couch and the car gone, we’ve just got a copy of Ticket to Ride, a one-person crockpot, and a pitcher that I’ve been using as a decanter left. Everything else is being left behind for whoever wants it. First come first serve.
If you want it, come and get it.
But Sam, what about the packing?
I bought another suitcase. We are moving a lot of items home. Like more than I expected. Every day there’s something we realize we should have shipped but it’s too late now. Some of the items aren’t going to make the cut. The final ten days will really require a reevaluation of what we have and what we need for a life in America. Many of you live in America. What do we need to live there? Am I bringing too much? I learned once that to travel, you really just need your passport, a pair of clean underwear, and a toothbrush. Everything else, you can buy when you get there. Does this hold for moving countries? Should I just show up with my toothbrush and underoos? Things to think about.
Not pictured: all of our carry ons; one other suitcase; a stroller and a car seat.
But Sam what about the job hunt?
Short answer: There are 30 million people unemployed at the moment. You may be one. I know I am. We got our final paycheck from QF last week, so while my insurance is good through July 31, I am not going to be earning any money for the foreseeable future. I took a test for a company the other day that involved me trying to answer math questions without a calculator for two hours. Some of the questions were about computer programming and one teeny tiny part was about reading comprehension. Of the parts of the test, I did well on the smallest section. My math skills and confidence have really rebounded since the time in the 7th grade that I got a 53 on a test, then asked to take a retest of the same exam and got a 51, but this test definitely sent me back down the math enthusiasm graph.
I applied to about… 30 education jobs over the past 3 months and got exactly one call back. That’s not a great ratio. I sent out seven applications yesterday, so by my count, I am only 22 away from getting a callback. I did get an email from a principal saying: “I’ll get back to you.” I’ll leave it up to you to determine if that’s a callback.
I asked a friend what it’s called when your unemployed but technically sitting on a paycheck that runs through July but you can see Unemployment coming down the pike. (Thanks Qatar Foundation): She suggested Eunni-mployment rather than fun-employment.
Me, trying to figure out how to write a “good” cover letter.
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I think that pretty much brings you up to speed on what’s happening in my neck of the woods. Thanks to those of you reaching out to say you enjoy what you’re reading. Or more commonly: you hate it. Engagement is engagement! Keep on clicking the links.
The Dumps:
‘A friend in California jokes, of her daughter, “I think she’s hanging out with the wrong crowd—me.”’: The children are swearing
I grew up in a house where my parents did their darndest not to swear. My mom was always good about it. Just the other day she swore and Leen said: I think that’s the first time I’ve ever heard your mom swear. My dad was more of the “ohhhhh Sugarfoot” or “Heavens to Mergatroid!” kind of guy. Every once in awhile he’d crack and let a real one rip, but none of them etched a memory into my brain, so I think they have to call that a win.
Leen and I discussed our propensity to let an f-bomb fly in front of Eliot and discussed when is the right age to stop swearing, lest our child picks it up, and uses the word in front of someone else. “What if his first word is Fuck?” Here’s my parenting take: Never. Swear freely. What I teach in my classroom is the same thing I will teach in my house (Leen’s approval pending; parents judgment forthcoming): You can swear every so often! It feels great. Swearing at people is a no. "Fuck you?" Nope! "Ah, Fuck!" Yes!
The real reason we would not swear in front of our kids is so that the neighbors don’t think we’re bad people.
You know what? Fuck em (it’s okay to swear at hypothetical people, like the haters). They can think what they want. I might stop short of letting Eliot wear t-shirts with crass sayings on them… (as seen here)
I bring this up because apparently, quarantine has really brought the swearing out in parents. If you feel like you’ve dropped one too many “dickholes” or “turdburglars” in front of your young ones, then rest easy: swearing is cool, everyone is doing it, let yourself off the hook.
Like in this great Curb Your Enthusiasm Scene
“Upon seeing the puzzle, Anthony says something to the effect of "you've got to be kidding me" and "you've got to be joking" approximately 25 times, tells the camera this is a cruel joke, and that it can't possibly be human solvable.”: This Sudoku Solve Made Me Cry
2. One time I was on a date and the girl said she liked Sudoku. And I said, “Eh I’m more of a letters guy. I think the fact that it’s all numbers really spooks me out. I bet if it was all letters, I’d be able to do Sudoku.” I now understand this to be a lie. Sudoku could be all about pictures, or symbols. Whatever it is, my brain doesn’t quite see the patterns needed to do anything higher than the most simple of puzzles. Crosswords, sure I can do those. Word scrambles? Yes, I can handle that. Sudoku… a bridge too far. We broke up. Probably for the best. Leen’s take on Sudoku: “Numbers… not my jam.”
And still! When I watched this 25-minute video, I was highly entertained. I would recommend you take the time to view it as well. The set up: a man opens a sudoku board that has two boxes filled in and is asked to solve it. He provides a running commentary on his logic and goes from there. I set my speed to about 1.75x so that I didn’t have to take 25 minutes to do it (who has time for that?), but I think it’s worth about 15 minutes of your day.
3. As previously discussed, we have signed a month-to-month lease on an apartment in Minneapolis. We are currently at the stage in the “move-in” where we are negotiating how early my parents and brother can have access to the unit before our arrival to 1) build a crib 2) put some plates and dishes in the cupboards and 3) just generally make it feel slightly like a home.
One aspect of making it feel like a home is wifi installation. We scheduled an install date for next week, which was cool until the landlord told me that whoever I get can’t drill anything into the building. She did not offer any suggestions as to go about that, or companies that are already wired into the building, so we were kind of at a loss. Recently they told us they’ve scheduled fiber to be installed (whatever that means?) and I’ll need to do is have a router. Despite one of my first AIM handles being: MilleniumMan05 — I have only the basic grasp of what the internet is or how it works. I know it runs by big underground wires. Or that it used to? I know that data is stored in the “cloud” but really that just means huge servers in warehouses around the world. I know that 5g is a conspiracy and that a Microsoft employee told me that Kansas City was the next internet hub of the world. I had a pretty good idea what a router was, but I definitely needed to take a picture of one and ask my brother: Is this a router?
Apparently there are lots of people who are unhappy with their internet speeds and so I’ve seen multiple stories about ways to boost yours. Here is a story from Wired about 11 things you can do to make sure that the internet in your home is functioning as well as it can be. Though if reports are to be believed, everyone is going to be outside in like 3 days anyway because I hear we defeated Corona. Way to go!
Ready for his close up
I hope you enjoyed what you’ve read. I hope you have a good weekend if that word means anything to you anymore.
Let me know if you read anything or watch anything that keeps you entertained and you think needs to be shared with my hundreds of followers and readers. Suggestions welcome.
