Dump the Car in the Arabian Gulf
The way I see it, we have three car options with 17 days to go until departure. (Still June 1)
Sell it for way undervalue
Hold out for the value we want to get for it
Drive it into the desert and light it on fire but take a really cool picture of me walking away from a car on fire
Would get a lot of likes on Instagram
Yes, no, the Mitsubishi 2016 Grey Pajero has not sold yet and we are getting precariously close to driving it to the airport and leaving in Long Term parking forever. (I guess this would be option 4). I had a guy come look at it the other day. I even broke social distancing protocols and drove around the block with him and his wife to show them that it was functional. We got back to the parking lot and wow, it felt like I was getting dumped.
Maybe that’s the wrong metaphor. It was like finishing up a date and for the last 30%, you’re thinking, “Do I kiss her? Was this a good date? I’m looking for a sign here! Will there be a second date? Should I wait to kiss her then?” and then, there’s the awkward pause right before you’d go in for the kiss.
Then.
The wife says: I don’t think we’re going to buy your car. We have four kids and while it has more space than our current car, it doesn’t have enough space for them to grow into.
… But we’ll get back to you!
One of those days
They did get back to me the next day. They decided to go another direction.
And so we’re back to the drawing board.
Today’s content is pretty car-centric. I will share some car stories about my time in Qatar, and then I will share a few photos of weird-ass shit, and then I will post two or three stories that I think are interesting. Getting a lot of feedback on the bidets from last week. I know! Butt sprayers.
Car Story 1
Ever been in a car accident that you heard coming for what feels like, looking back on it, seconds in advance? One night back in 2014, my friends and I were sitting at a stoplight at about 10:20pm. We were on our way home from work (this is a whole different story that I will happily explain) and we were within viewing distance of our apartment. The road was mostly empty and while at the light, we heard a very loud screech. Loud enough and long enough for one of the guys to say: What’s that?
The damage done
Then a Corvette crashed into our Hyundai Accent at about 100kph and smashed in our trunk beyond recognition with his back passenger side wheel-well.
That was just the beginning of the story. The driver, called himself Mohammed, it turns out, had a suspended license. He called a friend to get to the scene ASAP and asked us to cover for him. We were strangers in a strange land, so we said, “Yeah, sure, if anyone asks, your friend was driving.” So his friend arrives, he called himself Mohammed, and the original driver skedaddles off to the hospital. As the Corvette was careening out of control into our rear end, his hand had gotten stuck in the steering wheel and broke his arm. Other Mohammed talks to the police, explains that he was driving too fast, and that he will take care of getting our details and that no one was hurt and they can go home. We maneuvered the car into a dirt lot (almost all lots in Qatar are dirt lots) and get a ride home with other Mohammed. He assures us that broken-hand Mohammed will pay us for the damages, once we find out what we owe.
Tough end to a day at the office
A few days later, I call him to report that our rental service rendered the car “canceled” (this means totaled) and that we would have to pay a 7000 Riyal ($1800 USD) penalty. He told me he would meet me at the mall near my house to give me the cash.
He never showed up. He changed his phone number.
And scene!
The Dumps!
A lot of my time lately has been spent preparing for a life back in the USA.
Here’s a conversation I’ve had with at least three people I’ve sold things to as they stand on the threshold of my door.
“Are you moving? Or just selling this?”
“Yeah, we’re heading home.”
“Oh, where to?”
“Back to the USA.”
Look of shock.
“Are you sure that’s a good idea?”
How I feel when people ask if I am excited to move home
So what I am telling you, my American readers, is that the whole world or at least three random men from Pakistan, Morocco, and Turkey think that moving to the USA at the moment is a bad idea.
So how does one prepare for a life in a place where everything seems to be bad?
By shopping for beds and couches and things I will need as I proudly shelter-in-place and wear my mask even if I am only going outside to drop off the garbage. There are rumors that the quarantine has been pretty good to e-commerce as everyone is sitting in their house, making Target runs less feasible. You probably don’t come here for shopping recommendations, but you know what? Maybe you also need a weighted blanket to help you nap with anxiety.
a)Bearaby: A weighted blanket company to help you sleep better. I currently have been setting my nap timer for 7 min and 49 seconds and crashing on the closest surface. Seven out of ten times, I fall asleep in under a minute, the other three times, I lay there with my eyes closed waiting for the timer to sound. A blanket like this might bump up my ration.
b) Pluto: A made-to-order pillow company. The pitch? We have suits custom made, we have shoes that fit us perfectly. Why wouldn’t we have our pillows made the same way? Leen was just complaining this morning of our “bad pillows” (News to me), so it made me think: should I return the towels I bought her last week for our anniversary and get her a pillow instead?
c) The wirecutter's mattress review page: Buying a mattress is daunting. There are so many options and types. It’s often easier to describe a mattress you don’t want to sleep on as opposed to the opposite. Add in another person who may have totally different sleep preferences than you do, and all of a sudden, you’re looking at dropping a grand on something that fifty percent of the users may hate. What I am saying is if you have a recommendation, we will take it. We understand that sleep comfort is subjective, but we appreciate the feedback. What do you sleep on? How do you like it? Also, once you pick a mattress, you have to pick a frame. Also looking for frame recommendations.
d) Flotsam + Fork: For the past four years Leen and I have collected and purchased things for our dream house, and more specifically, dream kitchen. As I begin the process of looking for houses, the first room that we look at is the kitchen. There are some spatial features that Leen and I are drawn to in a kitchen, but we understand that in addition to the space, a kitchen requires good accouterments. We check out the supplies from this store frequently and Leen has a shopping cart full of items that she is waiting to click order on once we know exactly where we’ll end up.
2. When not shopping, or sometimes, while shopping, I turn on Netflix to make noise. A few weeks back I saw the trailer for Netflix’s Outer Banks and thought: That’s a show I’ll watch.
I hadn’t gotten around to for a minute, and then I got a text from a friend: “Just watched Outer Banks. It’s a combo of The OC and National Treasure and is my favorite show on TV.”
I fired it up, much to Leen’s chagrin, the next night. I’ll stop you right here: It’s not GOOD, but it’s also, not not good. In fact, it’s very watchable especially if you find yourself in need of a TV show that makes you go: "well wow, that escalated quickly” and “That is a bad decision. You should definitely not do that!” Some kids are searching for gold and some other, less-good people are trying to also search for it. Also, cocaine and inept cops. If you’ve watched the show, this list will make you giggle a lot. If you haven’t, this list will save you ten hours as it hits the highs and lows. Read it here: A Power Ranking of Basically Everything on Netflix’s ‘Outer Banks’
3. In addition to trying to sell all our belongings (a man spent $11 on my used yoga mat earlier this week), my other mission to complete before moving to Minnesota is to finish all the alcohol on my shelf. It used to be stored in a cupboard, but I brought it all above ground so that I can see what’s left to conquer. I’m staring a bottle of whiskey, and rum in the face, with two bottles of vodka in the freezer. Toss in half-finished bottles of Pastis and Pernod, plus more bitters than any one man should ever consider consuming and you’ve nearly learned about my entire supply. Then I’ve got two bottles of Riesling, two bottles of rose (one sparkles, one doesn’t), and a full bottle of Aperol.
Diligently, I have been working my way through the supplies but sometimes I need some inspiration. I recently had some weird Stevia-based sodas delivered that are “very popular in Greece” which are flavored a bit like cough syrup, or lemon drops, depending on which one you open. One of the great things about the quarantine is that more people are willing to put out crazy YouTube videos demonstrating how to make cocktails. Some of these videos are pretty good. (I like the “How to Drink” guy.) Some of the videos are comical but useful, like Sandra Lee (is she related to Kathy? Asking for real) explaining how to make with matter-of-fact honesty how to make six different cocktails using two shots of vodka. Her big trick is that Pineapple juice can save any drink. The final video is not new. In fact, I saw it years ago, but every so often, it’s worthwhile to remember that making cocktails is not for everyone. Like this girl who tries to make an Old Fashioned using a pint glass. Tune in just to see her measure out 3 oz of bourbon at the 1:18 mark.
I leave you with a skit from SNL this weekend titled “Let Kids Drink.” It’s funny and pretty self-explanatory.
Let trees drink (I promised weird pictures)
Sam introduces Leen and Eliot to a Lean-inspired cocktail
