Yesterday, I embarked on a dental adventure. Initially scheduled for the 24th of this month, my plans were abruptly changed when I received a text last month. 
The news was twofold: the practice was downsizing due to a retiring dentist, and they were no longer an 'In-Network' provider under my dental coverage. 

Good for them; bad for me. 

I had a good experience—singular—there. I'd only found them after my previous poorly named dental clinic, Gentle Dentistry, closed its practice nearby and moved way out into the suburbs. Round and round, we go, on the hunt for someone to check our teeth. So here I was at a new dentist, in network, and in a strip mall under a condo near a Kia dealership and Fresh Thyme co-op. 
And that's when I learned that I have what's known as a hairy tongue, a condition that I had never even heard of before. It's not as alarming as it sounds, but it does make for an interesting conversation starter. 

If I have not made it abundantly clear to you in recent writings or daily communique, my entire family has been some version of ill basically straight through the past seven weeks. It's been a tough time, with everyone taking turns being sick and trying to keep up with our daily routines and not missing required doses of medicine. Leen and Eliot have gone through three courses of antibiotics—Roman and I, two each. My experience with oral thrush is duly noted in the world, but without putting too fine a point on it, my tongue still tastes weird. I haven't had antibiotics in over a month, but golly, my mouth is a big ol yuck factory. I told the hygienist that I didn't want to Google anything involving "why does my mouth taste bad" because I was confident it would come back with "Cancer" as the number one hit. 
So I waited for the expert. 
She took one look at my tongue—the same one I've had for all 37 years of my life—and said, "Oh yeah, you've got a hairy tongue. It's a bad name, but it just means your taste buds are big, and you can collect tastes and yucky stuff more easily." 

Personally, I'd suggest changing the name from hairy to sticky. Seems more apt if you ask me.That said, I didn't go to dental school and am not googling "Why is it called a hairy tongue?" There may be a perfectly good explanation for this terrible name. Someone else can search it up and get back to me. The dentist was fine, and I'm hopeful they will remain in the network for the time being.

But that's not what this is about. No, I am here to talk the word The. 
Eliot is starting to read. He's identifying sight words. The being one of them. Today, we were walking, and some youth with a spray paint can had tagged GAY on the sidewalk. He sounded that out, listed four or five words that rhyme with that, and then asked me what it meant. This came on the heels of his friend asking me in the car this morning why that man standing on the corner was talking to our car, but we weren't talking back, and why he was holding up a sign. These are big topics for a four-year-old to grasp, and frankly, I was not ready to tackle them —not now after a full day of life and not then before a cup of coffee. So tonight, when I was looking at the songs remaining to write about, I was like, wow, what is a through line I can take to connect all of them? I drew a blank. 

My brain is a blank slate. 
And so, the best I can do is write about the five remaining songs that start with the word The. Settle in. Let's see if I can pull this off. 

This week's theme: The*
*Let's all be honest. We're surprised I'm still doing this anyway, right? James Blunt: The man who launched two dozen blog posts. 

Song
The Boxer
Artist
Simon and Garfunkel
Released
1970
Lyric
In the clearing stands a boxer
And a fighter by his trade
And he carries the reminders
Of every glove that laid him down
Or cut him till he cried out in his anger and his shame
"I am leaving, I am leaving," but the fighter still remains
One Word
Perseverance

|More Than One Word|
It's not uncommon for bands to become acrimonious after a time. The Beatles famously came apart at the seams, Fleetwood Mac had their issues, the brothers from Oasis still can't stand one another, Hall recently sued Oates, and Zayn Malik left One Direction because he wanted to be a normal 22-year-old and live a normal life. In my research for this listing, I realized that Bridge Over Troubled Water was S+G's final album together. It was only 1970, and since these two are still kicking today, I was surprised. 
Why'd these two stop at the top of their game?
It seems that they felt they'd run their course as musicians. There was nothing left to do together once they'd reached the heights they did on this album. 

If you'll allow me a detour, last summer, I was in charge of coming up with musical "rock star" themed cocktails and their names. One of my crowning achievements was the Bridge Over Troubled Ranch Water. If you don't know, Ranch Water is a cocktail that originated in Texas and combines tequila, lime juice, and sparkling mineral water. Straight-forward in its creation, a bit of a mouthful under the name I constructed, but it worked. The problem was that in Minnesota, the word RANCH is exclusively associated with dressing. Multiple people asked if we could change the name for fear of having someone at the event think there was Ranch dressing in the cocktail. I cashed in a lot of the social collateral I'd amassed in that fight, shouting from the rooftops: not all ranch = dressing. Especially not when it comes to cocktails. 

Alas, the Boxer is a song about a young man searching for work who faces challenges and disappointments. Despite the setbacks, he remains determined and resilient, eventually finding solace and strength in his resolve. He is the boxer. 
We should all aspire to be like this character. 
This song also features a great brass section that lifts the song from its doldrums and gives it a poignant, hopeful tone despite its potentially depressing subject matter. 

Song
The Underdog
Artist
Spoon
Released
2007
Lyric
You got no fear of the underdog
That's why you will not survive
One Word
Longevity
|More Than One Word|
What did I think of March Madness this year? Great question. Thank you for asking. I finished nearly last in both of the bracket pools I was in. I made the error of selecting an underdog in the men's tournament to make it to the Final Four. I selected BYU. I watched zero seconds of BYU basketball and not many more of other college basketball teams this year, which does not disqualify anyone from succeeding, but I did get a bit too clever with that choice. 

BYU promptly lost in the second game of the first day of the tournament. I feared the Underdog or at least one of them. They burned me, and I lost early. 
On the women's side, what more can I say about Caitlin Clark that someone with more followers or a louder voice hasn't already said? Her game against LSU was inspired and fun to watch. I thought that UCONN would beat the Iowa squad in the final 4, but that underdog didn't hunt either. 
The final played out the way I expected it to. I can't blame South Carolina for being slightly angry about how the tournament shook out. Caitlin Clark is the savior of college basketball. Meanwhile, South Carolina is going undefeated, playing a fun style of team basketball. 
In 2017, the Ringer published a piece about Spoon titled "The Last Rock Band Standing." The piece, written by the guy who just concluded a great podcast series called 60 Songs that Explain the 90s (but I think he did closer to 120), posits that Spoon never got experimental, never got contentious, never got too famous, and always puts out good music. For over 20 years, this band, led by Britt Daniel, has put out album after album of quality music that is reliable, familiar, and enjoyable. They've grown, added skills, and improved, but they've remained consistent in their releases, which, as Simon and Garfunkel can attest, takes a special type of talent.  

Song
The Rain (Supa Dupa Fly)
Artist
Missy Elliott
Released
1997
Lyric
Beep, beep, who got the keys to the Jeep? Vroom
One Word
Iconoclast
|More Than One Word|
If Simon and Garfunkel are vanilla, then I suppose Missy Elliott would be closer to something like a smoked paprika. I'd entertain an argument for any number of Missy songs to make a top 100, but "Beep, beep, who got the keys to the Jeep? Vroom" is arguably the most perfect lyric ever written. 

VROOOOOOM. She makes a car noise. What a legend. 
The original "I Can't Stand the Rain" by Ann Pebbles is an excellent song to sample, and Missy and Timberland knocked it out of the park. Some critics at the time panned it for "lazy writing" and an "ineffectual bass, snare, and drum beat." It's safe to say that those critics took the L. 
And then there's the garbage bag video, shot in fisheye by Hype Williams. For a debut single, this song introduced the world to an artist willing to break conventions and redefine cool. This was the official start to the Timbaland/ Missy collaboration relationship, and the world is better off for it. 
These two always brought a creative chemistry and versatility to the music, and that no doubt is why this song is so long-standing as a classic. 
The sample also raises an important point: I don't really like rain dropping on my window either. Just the other night, I was thinking about opening the window and putting a towel on the exterior of the sill so that the dripping didn't drive me insane. It's a bit too much like the Tell-Tale Heart for my liking. The song is not like the TTH, though, or any EAP rhyme, for that matter. This song is among the pantheon of hip-hop, and with good reason. 

Bonus points for her last name, too, which is one of those sight words Eliot knows well.  

Song
The National Anthem
Artist
Radiohead
Released
2000
Lyric/Moment
Horns around the 2:40 mark
One Word
HORNS
|More Than One Word|
During my first teaching job, I had a co-worker called Leah who was sad one day. She said she thought the thing that would cheer her up were songs with loud horns in them. This was in that nexus of time when iTunes was dying, but Spotify hadn't taken off, so you were left to ideate and create playlists using your own brain. Or ask Pandora. No AIs to help generate good horns songs.
I suggested she listen to "Take a Letter, Maria" because the horns in that one are uplifting, even as the singer discusses his wife's infidelity (and falls in love with his secretary in basically the same moment). 
The horns in The National Anthem are not uplifting. I'd call them foreboding. They're chaotic. The band told the brass section to sound like a traffic jam, and Thom Yorke was so animated during the recording that he broke his foot as he screamed BLOW, JUST BLOW, JUST BLOW at them.
One critic described the jazz section as " a brass band marching into a brick wall." Nick Hornby, the guy who came up with the concept of crafting the perfect mixtape (in High Fidelity), called it an unpleasant free-jazz workout over a studiedly crude bassline. 

People hated this song. I guess for that reason, I didn't suggest it to my friend Leah that day. Take a Letter, Maria is not polarizing. 

The National Anthem is. I think it's fitting then that for reasons that remain unclear to me, Radiohead closed out their half-hour set on The Colbert Report before he transitioned into mainstream late night. That show was also polarizing, with many people not getting the joke. Radiohead is a band that some people don't get. And you know what? That's okay. Not everything has to be for everyone. 

Song
The Rat
Artist
The Walkmen
Released
2004
Lyric
When I used to go out, I would know everyone that I saw
Now I go out alone if I go out at all
When I used to go out, I'd know everyone I saw
Now I go out alone if I go out at all
One Word
Spiteful
|More Than One Word|
This one is a banger. I have a theory that the Walkmen probably stopped playing together for over a decade because the energy it would take to play this song night-in-night-out wore Hamilton Leithauser down. This song could have been featured in my "Songs of the OC" list since they played the Baitshop in Season 2. But technically, they played Little Houses of Savages, not The Rat, so I removed them from that list, and they ended up on the playlist. 

A real sliding doors moment for them, huh?
I recently listened to a podcast called Search Engine that asked, " Why are there so many chicken bones on the street?" This is not exactly a reality of my life, but perhaps in a more populated part of town, or if I lived in New York City, I'd feel that way. I'm going to answer the question above, and basically, if you haven't figured it out, based on where I am answering this question regarding the song's name, the answer is Rats. 
Rats don't get a lot of good press. Outside of "The Year of the Rat" and Ratatoullie, I can't think of many good things rats are known for. There might be a rat in Flowers for Algernon. I am not going to look.
Rats, though, are smack dab in the middle of the debate about the spread of the Black Plague (though the recent theory has moved to forgive the rat from this role). Take a moment. Do you have any positive rat associations? 
For me, it's got to be this song and Pizza Rat coming in at 1 and 2. 
When I hear this song, I can't imagine a world where it's about anyone other than a friend who betrayed him (or he betrayed). There's some theory that it's about an ex-lover, but this song seems more about friendship than love to me. As an aging hashtag dad, I spend less time going out than I did a decade ago, so when he emotionally belts out the part about how he used to know everyone he saw when he would go out, but now, he hardly goes out, and when he does go out, he doesn't know anyone. I feel seen. 
Betrayal, aging, regrets—this song has it all. It's also incredibly cathartic. I blasted it twice before back-to-back meetings to get any of the jitters out before presenting. If I played baseball, I could use this as my walk-up music. 

We're heading towards the end. This installment crosses 65 songs on the playlist.
What are the final 35? Stay tuned!