Inaugural Dump of 2021
I spilled salsa on my shirt.
Actually, I dripped salsa on my sweater.
Either way, it’s a small blemish on what has been a pretty good January so far.
Following last week’s non-blizzard but definitely winter-weather, I decided to shave my beard. Like maybe this will be my thing. Shave my beard on the first snowfall of every year. Don’t know how long I am going to keep up with the no-beard look. I shaved again this morning. Someone, somewhere along the way, got me some really lovely shaving cream, and I felt bad about not using it. So, snow and guilt have been the driving forces in my new look for 2021.
What about you? Anyone sporting a new visage? Maybe you’re trying to make bangs your thing? Have you dyed your hair an atypical color? Decided to grow your sideburns super long? You do you. I support whatever you’ve chosen. Unless your decision involves cargo pants, in which case, reconsider.
Some of you wondered about my security defenses’ status since my fence was breached by an unidentified man early one morning last month. Thanks for checking in. We’ve taken to locking the storm door and the interior door. Plus, on the front, I added an additional lock. As for my fences, I’ve added MasterLocks. A friend asked if I was concerned about the perp being a Dump reader. I am not. I do not believe this was an inside job. He is not using my words against me.
On the subject of words, let’s see what I’ve been consuming: The Dumps.
Talk about a golden potato
I had big goals at the start of this month. I was going to re-read the New Yorker’s “The Plague Year,” take notes and then share my feedback, highlights, comments and thoughts. I took about a page worth of notes before the task got the best of me. While I think the text should be required reading, I understand that not everyone has the estimated three hours it took me to read the article the first time around. Now I know what you’re thinking: Why would I spend three hours reading about the last year. I spent the previous year living it. I get it! I lived it too! But… the detail provided in this story goes far beyond your mere experience of living it and provides background, details and color into moments that we only heard about. Want to know about the month that really cost us all of 2020? Want to learn about the guy who was the first White House staffer to rock into the Oval wearing a mask? Curious about the process of creating a vaccine?
There are hundreds of pull quotes I could give you, some that highlight the administration’s total incompetence (“Mnuchin felt that the US just had to live with the virus. It wasn’t worth sacrificing the airlines, the cruise ships, the hotels. ‘This is going to bankrupt everyone,’ he said. ‘Boeing won’t sell a single jet.’”) and others that speak to the horrors of the virus in ways we’ve heard but maybe can’t understand. Tell you what: if you read it, you and I can have a zoom or iMessage exchange where we just share our most jaw-dropping moments. Who doesn’t want to exchange jaw-dropping content with me?
2. A review of the MicroClimate Air helmet
When I started dumping again, I had plans to avoid Covid talk. (After all, we were all living it, we didn’t need to read about it!) I caved in about July. There was no way to live life or ignore reality. Covid, you could say, was undeniable (full disclosure: if you click that link, you will watch a moment from S1 of the OC when Seth Cohen tells Summer Roberts that it’s always been here, that she is undeniable. It’s great. Really recommend it). Sometime this fall, an ad for the MicroClimate Air popped up on my Instagram feed. I have recently taken up an interest in direct-to-consumer businesses (shoutout Framebridge, Mixtiles, LastObject, Misfits Market), and so yadda yadda yadda, I get a lot of these ads. Some are bad. Some are good. This one was more… arresting. It’s literally a helmet that blows in purified air making masks totally obsolete! Drew Magary, formerly of Deadspin fame, now writing for SFGate, got his hands on one of these helmets and wrote a pretty critical review of the product. His main takeaway is that you look like a bozo in it, which, yeah, clearly. My perspective would be: WHO CARES WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK as long as you’re not exposing yourself to a deadly virus? So it’s a trade-off.
3. A few tips on how to be a better writer this year
I think I gave up on my dream of writing a novel around 2017. I thought I had a story to tell, but then I dunno. I turned 30 and basically pivoted to listening to podcasts instead of spending any time writing. So this isn’t for me. But maybe it’s for you! Wired reached out to a few authors to see if they could offer advice on what we can do to be better writers this year. The tips range from simple (write down cool words you hear, e.g., Foxy —> misleadingly bright, in regards to weather) to more advanced about different programs and word count quotas.
If I do decide to write a novel, maybe I’ll write about the time in art class in 6th grade, our teacher allowed us to bring CDs in to listen to as a class. I brought in the New Radicals’ album “Maybe You’ve Been Brainwashed Too.” I was concerned because in the New Radicals only-banger You Get What You Give, the lead singer screams: (at Hanson, Courtney Love, Marilyn Manson and Beck, no less) “You’re all fakes/Run to your mansions/Come around, we’ll kick your asses.”
It was this “We’ll kick your asses” line that really had 6th grade Sam worried. You’ll be surprised to learn the Art teacher neither a gave a fuck about the use of ass, nor the threat to Marilyn Manson and Hanson. I get it.
Now, as a teacher, if a student asked, “Is it okay if we listen to a banger that uses the word ‘Frienemies’ and has only negative things ?” I would say, “Run, do not walk over to that cd player, young person and push play!” All of this is a long way of saying I am pumped the New Radicals are reuniting to play at Joe Biden’s virtual inauguration, whatever that means.
4. A reason to discuss the debate that ended with the purchase of a new rug
Real quick, what’s the difference between a carpet and a rug? I think all rugs are carpets, but not all carpets are rugs. Let me know if you think I’ve got this backward. Anyway, Leen and I were sitting in the living room the other day, and I suggested we rearrange the furniture. We’ve been in this house since August, and it’s not that the way we have it set up in certain spaces is bad. It’s just… what if a different way is better? How do you know until you try? I rearranged our guest room recently, and the new set up is better. I proposed a new setup in the living room. Maybe we put a chair here, and we move the couch there…If we do that, we can move this rug there. Yadda yadda yadda. It’s not that Leen said, “don’t move the furniture,” as much as she said: “Fine, try it.” I, uh, decided to not try. I moved a lamp instead (also made a big difference). But during the living room discussion, we pivoted to a bedroom discussion. The short version of the debate goes: one of us wanted a rug that was white or off white, and the other wanted something that was not bland in the way that white/off-white can be.
Maybe you have had a similar debate recently in your home. Are you in the market for some new shams? Perhaps you need a $1400 decorative domino set? Vogue did us the pleasure of compiling (my guess is that this is the work of an affiliate program) 20 suggestions that you can put in your home to show off your designer style and touch. Not featured: rugs or carpets.
5. One more reason to dislike Boeing
On January 12, the price of a bottle of Morgon, Beaujolais, Sancerre or Riesling increased in the USA. This is part of the on-going US-EU trade battle over government subsidies for airplane manufacturers like Airbus and Boeing, where the real losers are consumers. It would be one thing if this meant only higher prices (formerly, a $25 bottle will now cost $34). Instead, you can also expect to see a significantly reduced selection as importers, according to the story, are unwilling to pay the import fees levied upon arrival at the border. For those not familiar with import fees, you ship something from abroad, say… 7 boxes of items like clothes, blankets and books. When it arrives in Cincinnati, someone calls you and says: we will release this if you give us $700. This cost was not discussed beforehand, and there isn’t any negotiating. I am sure there is some calculation as to how numbers are reached, but you aren’t really in a position to do anything about it. Either pay the fee or let the item sit there. So wine importers, not too keen on paying massive fees upfront for fear the wines won’t sell, just won’t import these wines.
This is a net negative for wine drinkers, but also restaurants. I don’t know if you’ve heard, but the restaurant industry is already getting hammered by COVID. This is merely one more nail in the coffin. By some estimations, it moves the $12 glass up to a $20 glass. At some point, people are just going to not get the drink. If restaurants make 40-50% of revenue on drinks and now, people aren’t drinking as much, well, you can see where this is going. On the plus side, like many things done by the Trump admin, the Biden administration can undo this act if they want. I will leave you with a call to action and send you here to fill out a form message to be delivered to your representatives and senators, begging them to make this a change. I know there are many competing interests and priorities and dreams to accomplish big things in the first 100 days, but wouldn’t everything be more excellent if you were celebrating a senate impeachment trial with a drinkable Brouilly?
That’s my big report for Mid-January. Hope you’re well. Stay in touch.
Sam
Don’t be a stranger.
