I took last week off because we are nearing the end of this extravaganza, and I am suffering from what the kids used to call "Senioritis." I will call it "Sammeritis" and give myself the grace of saying: it doesn't matter. Deadlines are fake, time is a construct, and days are irrelevant. Today is Friday, May 24th. This day, if any day is ever relevant, is because it's Roman's birthday.

Roman is three. The joke goes that most parents of two-year-olds hope this means "so long, terrible twos," but we know that it really just means "hello, terrible twos, but now you're three." Some people call their kids "three-nagers," prone to mood swings, speaking their mind, saying no a lot, and just generally being a stick in the mud. Roman's life as a "three-nager" has been RAGING here for a few months, so by my count, he's already been three for about four months. But today, officially, he's three. Hooray for him.

The big news for Roman, at three, is that he will start attending school with Eliot next year. Barring some unforeseen events, this means that Roman and Eliot will be one year apart in school. Despite being 20 months apart in life, we will have a 1st grader and a 2nd grader, or 2038 and 2039 graduates, respectively, if you prefer. Huzzah to them. It's going to be great.

In celebration of Roman's birthday, I assembled a bike earlier this week. He's big on purple, so I got him a purple bike, complete with a horn, and hopefully, he will really like it. Eliot recently got into his green bike, and Roman has shown some interest in doing just about anything Eliot likes, so we should be fine. Putting the bike together was daunting. It reminded me of installing the car seat. It's this moment — devoid of context since you do both without any child present — but every twist, tighten, and pull is the only thing separating your kid from injury or worse. No pressure there. I definitely did not lose my composure as I was installing the handlebars.

I'll remind you that I had a catastrophic handlebar-related incident, so I really made sure to get those bad boys on tight. No reason for the tooth fairy to pick up a bloody tooth in exchange for a fiver, if you know what I mean.

I will try to write about these songs as a nod to Roman, but some will work better than others. We'll see. In other news, we had a mini-split installed yesterday in our house. If you need to know what a mini-split is, it's a variation of air conditioning that negates the need for window units and is helpful in a house that does not have ductwork. We've debated installing one basically every year we've been in this house. Finally, after a scorching early May day, we found our bedroom a balmy 85 degrees, and I found an email offering me up to $1000 in savings on an installation. Lo and behold that $1000 ended up being closer to $5000 with rebates and subsidies, so the time to install was now. I've spent the better part of most nights this week selling the window units on Facebook Marketplace. I am getting well-versed in BTUs in a way that I was not when chucking them in a window and hoping they'd cool us down. I should have learned about them while using them, but alas, c'est la vie.

The good news is that if you come to visit, we won't have to have a conversation over the din of what always felt like what a generator sounds like. Window units are loud, and these new units are quiet—bonus points for their dehumidifying powers. The house feels great. Big fans. Big upgrade.

That's the news and views from Hasler HQ. Let's get into the muse-ic.

This Week’s Theme: Happy Birthday Roman

Song 82
We Can’t Stop
Artist
Miley Cyrus
Released
2013
Lyric
We run things, things don't run we/ Don't take nothing from nobody, yeah, yeah
One Word
Defiant
|More Than One Word|
I spent most of my childhood mocking country music. Don't Break My Heart was the butt of most of my jokes (along with "She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy), and so when Billy Ray's daughter trotted onto the scene, I didn't give her ANY respect. I ignored, or more likely ridiculed, all of her work as Hannah Montana and barely registered that she was a pop singer. Frankly, I was more of a Selena Gomez fan if, in fact, there was a world where you had to be a fan of only one of the Disney Channel starlets hoping to ascend into pop stardom. Ask me about the time I flew to Dubai to see Selena perform—weird weekend. 

Anyway, by the time Miley Cyrus made waves for her VMA performance on the Wrecking Ball, I was OUT. This woman was irrelevant to me. But then, something funny happened. In the heyday of blogs, I frequented one that covered popular culture. It's now somewhere within the Uproxx sphere of influence, so I cannot find the original post. Anyway, as Miley was taking a lot of shit for being a joke, this blog posted something like: Did you know that Miley Cyrus can actually sing well?

I'll admit, I did not know that. So I took the bait. I clicked the video. Recorded a few years earlier, the video showed Miley in a backyard, performing Dolly Parton's Jolene. Miley kills it. This is now my third favorite Miley song. I did not foresee having a top three Miley Cyrus song playlist, but people will surprise you. (We Can't Stop/Flowers/Jolene).

But we are not here to talk about other Miley songs. We are here to talk about her ode to getting fucked up. 

This song is so joyful, as Miley debuted her new style, vibe, and ethos. As the debut single on Bangerz, this Mike-Will-Made-It produced track is, in fact, a banger. I would wager to say that "banger" had a renaissance sometime in the 2010s, and I think Miley didn't coin it but probably had a part in popularizing it. 

Undoubtedly, my favorite part of this song is when she says, "We run things, things don't run we." It's incredible syntax—a remarkable turn of phrase that only makes sense in music or poetry. If I tried to say that, I would be clowned. Miley, though? Praised. Great work.
Roman's opinion: Likes it. Will listen to when it's on in the car. Likes to try to say la-da-di-da-di, we want to party. 

Song 83
Duel Pt. 2
Artist
Weekend Affair
Released
2016
Lyric
Le soleil se couche et je m'en vais demain
One Word
French
|More Than One Word|
At some point during my car rides with the boys, I said, I can't keep listening to the Wheels on the Bus. And so, what does one put on when one does not want to listen to Wheels on the Bus? 

French Electropop. 

Eliot was big into learning about the planets, and I am pretty bad at French, so whenever he would ask me what they were saying, I was mostly clueless. The one phrase I could pick up on, though, was about the sun being asleep. First of all, this is an excellent way to describe nighttime. Second, it became what Eliot would call this song whenever he'd ask me to put it on. This is still true; both Eliot and Roman call this song "Soleil se coucher," which arguably is a better name for the song than Duel Part 2. Duel Part 1 sounds different from Duel Part 2, and the videos aren't unrelated. Messaging-wise, perhaps the songs are playing the same pool, but again, I am bad at French, so that's beyond me. 

This song puts me in a good mood, and I suspect it's one of the songs on this list you have legitimately never heard before. Go ahead and watch the video. It's an absolute delight, and it features some very safe activities happening on the hood of a car. 

Shoutout to my friend Jim for tangentially turning me onto Weekend Affair. One day, we were exchanging music, and he sent me a different French band he liked called Polo and Pan. Through a series of clicking and algorithms, I ended up listening to these guys. I hope that someone discovers a band through this whole process. That would make it all worth it for me. Maybe it's you. Maybe it's this song. 

Roman's opinion: Loves it. It's probably a top-10 song for him. 

Song 84
Just Drums
Artist
Tapes 'n Tapes
Released
2005
Lyric
Take me over/Take it over time/Your needs keep talking/Your pets they lie
One Word
Local
|More Than One Word|

There were a few days in November when Leen and I debated getting Roman a drum kit. We decided against it (though his uncle brought one, and it's currently sitting unassembled in the garage). 

Roman is not naturally percussive. Like most three-year-olds, though, he likes drums. Ironically, there's a song by Benny Goodman called Sing Sing Sing, which features no singing but showcases some really great Gene Krupa drumming. If Roman asks to hear a song called Drums, do not put on Tapes 'n Tapes' "Just Drums" and instead, put on Sing Sing Sing by Goodman. 

It's a toss-up about which song is better, but for me right now, I'll lean Tapes n Tapes. Let's pause to talk about the Minnesota music scene. Most people would put Prince in the top spot. Fine, you won't get any objections to that from me. I think Prince is like traveling to India. You're obligated to believe it's great, even if, deep down, you have some reservations about how much shit you saw. 

After Prince, most people would safely put Bob Dylan in there. Jimi may have popularized the song about the Watchtower, but Bob wrote it about a tower called the Witches Hat, just a short distance from where I lived before I moved to Qatar. I went up in the Witches Hat once after eating ice cream. It was pretty cool up there—unique views of Minneapolis. I can see why someone would write a song about it. After Bob, I think we get into "Husker Du" and "The Replacements." These bands are distinctly not for me, so I have no opinions. All the people I went to college with from Minnesota loved a rapped named Atmosphere. Still, to this day, I do not entirely understand if Atmosphere was a person or a group because when you'd say something about Atmosphere, they'd tell me his name is actually Slug. At that point, I would stop listening because I didn't understand. Rumor has it, though, that I live a block away from Slug's childhood home, so it's a big win for Atmosphere fans and me. 

I plan to skip over many bands and not get into the debate about the Hold Steady. Instead, I'll talk about Tapes 'n Tapes, which, again, is a band you've just forgotten about or didn't even know about. 

You can tell this is a Minnesota band, though, because their debut album was called The Loon. People in Minnesota are obsessed with Loons. They are almost as obsessed with Loons as they are with calling the Duck-Duck-Grey Duck. Honestly, if they called it Duck Duck Loon instead, I would object less. I digress. 

Another plug for Blogs, Tapes n Tapes gained notoriety in the nascent days of music blogs as Gorilla Vs Bear featured their debut album. Then, they got a Pitchfork score. Soon, the boys dropped out of Carleton College and started doing the music thing full-time. If the reports are true (and by reports, I mean this Wikipedia article I am reading), then they recorded their first album like Bon Iver did in a remote cabin in Wisconsin. Shoutout to Wisconsin cabins. Really a great spot for inspiration. 

Just Drums kicks off this debut album and introduces me to a band with a lot of energy, enough shouty singing to keep me engaged, and timeless songs I still enjoy 20 years later. 

Roman's Opinion: Give me Sing Sing Sing, but only when I call it the "Drums."

Song 85
Teenage Dream
Artist
Katy Perry
Released
2010
Lyric
I'ma get your heart racing in my skin-tight jeans/Be your teenage dream tonight
One Word
Primordial
|More Than One Word|
Leen hates this song. But I love it. And that's what they mean when they say opposites attract. Let's talk about Barrell Pants. I learned what Barrell Pants were last week when Leen and I were at a park, and Leen said: Those moms are wearing Barrell pants. 

I spend most of my time seated and behind a computer screen these days so that these pants may have become ubiquitous in ladies' fashion now, and I missed it. But now that I know what they are, I see them everywhere. I got a GAP email (because I bought Leen leisurewear for Mother's Day) featuring a woman wearing exaggerated barrel pants. I sent a screenshot to Leen and said: are these barrel pants. When I learn something, I like to send proof of learning that thing to the person who taught me. It keeps me honest and reminds the person that I was listening when they were speaking. 

Why am I talking about barrel pants in a section dedicated to Teenage Dream by Katy Perry? Where would this song be if Katy Perry did not sing about SKIN TIGHT JEANS? 

How many songs can you think of that timestamp the song based on the fashion choice? (thong song, apple bottom jeans, others?) This lyric pinpoints a fashion trend so foreign to current trends that it's hard to imagine that kids would even understand the joy of skin-tight jeans. Skin-tight jeans are distinctly not the youth's Teenage dream. 

But that's where Katy Perry and I are in alignment. 

Side note: In researching this song, I found out that Benny Blanco produced it. Blanco is currently dating Selena Gomez. As mentioned above, I used to be a big Gomez fan. You could have given me 100 guesses in 2010, when this song was released, who I thought Selena Gomez would be dating after her inevitable breakup with Bieber, and never would I have gotten to Benny Blanco. Good for Benny and Selena. I love love.

But back to Teenage Dream. Katy Perry was not a teen when she wrote this song, so even talking about the implications of being a Teenage Dream in this song feels like I am wading into Drake territory, so I am not going to do that. But we can all agree that this song is undeniably fun despite all of Katy Perry's quirks. Even for the haters (looking at you, Leen), it's hard to imagine that you can't even acknowledge that the music is great to sing loudly in your car. 

Song 86
The Middle
Artist
Jimmy Eat World
Released
2001
Lyric
Everything, everything'll be just fine/Everything, everything'll be alright, alright
One Word
Angst
|More Than One Word|
This is a song I think you need to hear when you're young. It's like seeing Almost Famous. These are pieces of culture best consumed when you're young, full of ideas and self-doubt, and constantly wondering what will happen. |
To be clear, I am no more sure what is going to happen now than I was when I first heard The Middle by Jimmy Eat's World, but I am a bit more comfortable with the unknown. 

That's why I've got Roman cranking this tune every day in the car. Trying to give him a headstart on angst. It's not that I want him to be angsty. Figure maybe we can start early, end early, ya know? Sort of a "beat the traffic situation." 

I was talking with someone the other day about anxiety and, more specifically, the prevalence of inflation. This hypothesis states that the relationship between mental health awareness efforts and increasing rates of mental health problems is cyclical and escalating. The more we talk about mental health, the more people feel like they're having mental health issues. I'm not sure I buy it. I've spent time around teenagers in a few countries, and I think we may have been equally as miserable as they are; we just didn't have the space or words to discuss it. Instead, we listened to music about it. Now they listen to the music and know the associated therapy-speak, and then they also make a TikTok to document their feelings. Everything is just more heightened. 

I am not including any songs from My Chemical Romance in this list (Welcome to the Black Parade falls just outside the top 100), but Emo bands of the early and mid-2000s rode on the coattails of earlier sad bands like the Smiths, Joy Division, and the Cure. 

Side note: It never fails to amuse me that Gerard Way, lead singer of MCR, stated that 9/11 was one of the events that profoundly influenced his music. What a wild time. The guy was sad about 9/11 and created a theatrical rock band that influenced bands well into the 2020s. 

But back to Jimmy and the World being eaten. Being sad or anxious isn't new! It's an emotion as old as time. I don't really have a problem with kids saying they're bummed. Are they doing it because their friends are bummed? Are they saying it because someone they follow on TikTok told them they are? Who knows. I don't believe that everyone who listened to emo music was sad. Sometimes, the music just calls to you. JEW is close enough to indie for me to call them more of an indie band, but they definitely have the bona fides of both genres. And so, the Middle. It's a song that tells the listener not to be disheartened by the shit that's going on. It emphasizes that things will get better and that you just sort of need to ride it out. There's a Destroyer lyric from a song that similarly just missed out on top 100 status where he says: All good things must come to an end; the bad ones just go on forever. I think about that a lot, especially as it pertains to angst. 

If one YouTube comment is to be taken as fact, the band wrote this song for a fan who reached out to express concern that she didn't fit in with the other punk kids at school. I wonder what that girl is up to today? I wonder if that made it out of the middle. 

Roman's Opinion: He did not like it. I guess this means he is not ready for the angst. 

Song 87
Dancing Choose
Artist
TV on the Radio
Released
2008
Lyric
He's a what? He's a What? He's a Newspaper Man/And He Gets His Best Ideas From the Newspaper Stand.
One Word
Experimental
|More Than One Word|
This post-punk, free jazz, electronic soul group from Brooklyn is arguably the coolest band in the entire 100. TV on the Radio, which I guess is the inverse of watching a YouTube of your favorite podcasters (Radio on the TV), is eclectic, avant-garde, and versatile. They're a band that probably could write a concept album about topics as varied as Afro-futurism, steampunk, The Boston Tea Party, or the Opium Wars. I mean that to say they've got a wide array of interests, skills, and genres associated with this music, and I like this song because it's called Dancing Choose. 

On the one hand, this is about choosing to dance. Many a night, I have said: That dance floor is mine. I am going to clear it. I choose to dance. 

On the other hand, you may mistake dancing for dancing shoes, and that's what I'd like to talk to you about for a minute. Back in December, I told Leen that Ugg no longer makes good products. Someone can refute this, but from what I gather, the Ugg boots that were of a moment (much like skin-tight jeans) no longer have the quality they did in 2008. But, if you check out Ugg Since 1974, you'll get footwear built to last. 

So, for my birthday, my wife, mother of my children, and lover of all things comfort, decided to contact the Aussies and say: OI! I need some slippers for my husband! Well, because apparently lots of people saw the TikTok I saw alerting us to the dip in the quality of our Uggs and the quality of their Uggs, this company took three months to make and ship my slippers to me. 

The slippers arrived fresh off a plane that landed in Miami earlier this week (I will need someone to explain why a plane from Australia would land in Miami), and I have been wearing them around the house. I have not done much dancing in them because I am still breaking them in, and I'm trying to be gentle. 

Unbeknownst to me, Leen also had decided that my pink and purple New Balances, purchased at Doha Festival City Mall in 2018, had seen their last days. She finally broke down and told me they were busted and that I needed a new pair. I've been eyeing shoes for months, but since I am currently boycotting the office, I didn't need new footwear. 

But the night she told me, I broke down and went to Scheels. Scheels is an intense place to buy shoes, but I suspect it's an intense place to buy anything, from college merch to guns, to socks, to bikes, and don't forget to ride on the Ferris Wheel while you're at it. 

I noticed the prevalence of white and black shoes when looking for footwear. Someone told me that white and black are versatile. They go with anything. I'm sorry, you're Nike flyknits and do not need to go with anything. Get some shoes with some fucking color. I have a pair of black and white Adidas that were a gift (shoutout Jesse!), and I'll wear them to do functional things, like go to the grocery store. But if I am going out (lol, sure), I would not put them on. Some shoes are for fashion, and some are for function. Get you a pair that can do both. 

So I grabbed a pair of Air Force Ones with pink and yellow swooshes, and when I break my boycott, I'll have kicks that send a message. How they hold up on the dance floor, I do not know. When I get there, though, Lord, just keep your dancing shoes off mine. 

Roman's Opinion: They talk fast, but he likes the music. 

Happy birthday to Roman. 

13 songs left before we round out the top 100.