The first dump of Winter

Nov 17

It was going to be a Christmas gift, but like my good friend, and constant source of great advice, Arastoo, told me: no one should have to wait until Christmas for a clean butt.

Since moving to America, Leen and I have updated our list of "things we like about this place" list a few times.

My "Reasons to move home" list in May of 2020 was proximity to friends and family and access to affordable wine. I have found a wine store called the Cork Dork that is a short drive from my house. The people who work there are always amenable to my asks and always have a good recommendation. I can get six bottles of wine for the price of two in Qatar, so on that front, I am well ahead.

As for the friends and family… eh, not so much. I sent out a few "Hey, I am back in Minnesota" messages to friends who I hadn't seen much since I left and got a few "We're taking this disease very seriously" and some "New number, who dis?" responses. Other friends have been more receptive (shoutout to park and backyard hangs), but 2020 has most definitely not been an ideal year to try to rekindle old friendships upon a return from many years away. On the family front, I see my brother and his wife frequently. They live a block away. This is not an Everybody Loves Raymond situation where they are over every day. Still, we see them enough that Eliot is getting access to uncle and aunt loves and gaining an appreciation for their cats. My parents bear the greatest of the "Sam, Leen, and Eliot are home, but we can't see them" burden. It doesn't help that Eliot seems to lose his shit after about 7 minutes in the car that lessens our appetite to make the 3.5-hour drive back home to see them. We are hopeful that this vaccine news I keep reading twitter headlines about pays fruit and that Summer 2021 will be better for nearly everything.

**My parents met Eliot about a year ago this week.**

The "things we like about this place" list, to bring it back to the opening sentence, does not include easy access to a functioning bidet or robust plumbing options. Did you know that Leen had no idea what a clogged toilet was? Those things don't exist in the Arab world. This is partially due to the lack of toilet paper consumption and, I guess, more sturdy piping? Either way, you can take the girl out of the Middle East, but you can't make her like using Charmin for all acts of cleaning. Long story short, I tried to install something called a Shattaf (ass-blaster, bum gun) this weekend, but I came up short despite my dreams of making plumbing a future. I learned about pipe fixings along the way, but I am still unsure how to switch out a compression fitting for a threaded fitting, so the shattaf will have to wait. For those still harboring animosity to bidets, get over yourselves. It's an antiquated and slightly xenophobic fear.

In other news, winter has arrived in full force in Minnesota. There are rumored days of 50 degrees F (10c) this week, but I am doubtful. We have had a wintery mix, snow, and ample amounts of "I need to wear two pairs of pants" days already. It's already November, and I am sick of shoveling. I've been told that my negative attitude will spell doom for me and those around me. Maybe I can flip it around, but I think I just need to spend a year loathing the snow, get it out of my system, and then, maybe next winter, I can be more positive. We did purchase Christmas lights yesterday. Like many of you, we are just going to pretend the holiday season is upon us, and then that means 2020 is going to end soon. I don't know if this theory will work, but I will hang these lights and hope.

My school has gone full distance. I am now teaching from the comfort of my upstairs office space. I have a nice mint green wall and slanted ceiling for the background to all my lessons and Zooms. Students rarely have their cameras on, but we did have a good conversation about the myth that Poland was spared during the Plague. On the one hand, they lost a quarter of their entire population— it's hard to see that as being spared. On the other hand, they were more effective than other populations for a few reasons, namely early lockdowns and good social distancing. I'm not kidding. Look it up. I am teaching a class on the Age of Exploration, so how we ended up talking about Poland and the Plague… well, I guess you could say I am a teacher who you can get off track easily enough.

That's the news.

Here are some things to read:

I will stan vocally for good products when I find them. This story is about a stroller. Fun fact about parenthood, or perhaps more precisely, fatherhood, is that it is more often men rather than women who make stroller selections (ladies, feel free to chime in if you disagree). Apparently, because of their similarities to cars, (LOL) men love to read about the specs and the reviews and determine what sort of suspension you need when you're pushing your youth across different landscapes and cityscapes. We have bought two strollers— they've been fine. Our first one broke in transit between Doha and Abu Dhabi at Christmas. We just decided to double down and buy the identical stroller the second time around. It would have been cheaper to buy a new wheel, but that's not how strollers are made or sold. Anyway, here is a story about the "trendiest" stroller on the market and how it got there. It's not the most expensive, and it's better than the cheap ones. It offers excellent customer service, and word of mouth is outstanding. It's the Uppababy, and if you're looking for strollers, you've no doubt contemplated. How did it get to be so powerful a force in the baby moving space?

When asked to rank my least favorite leeches on the back of the Trump movement, it's hard to distinguish who is the most loathsome. I think the title goes to Stephen Miller but in a close second is Candace Owens. I came across some fascinating facts about Candace the other day, but I won't ruin your day with them. Instead, I will just tell you how she decided to make a vogue cover-shoot and profile of Harry Styles about "real men" and the West's death. I know that Trump lost because his allies have already started targeting pieces like this as "signs of the times." Owens asserts that there are no "soft" men in the East (our current foe), only strong men. So, when men like Harry Styles show up and talk about stillness, meditation, fashion, and having a good time while admitting that wearing dresses and dressing any way you feel comfortable is empowering, Owens feels threatened. I read the interview with Harry, so you don't have to. Short version: He's a 26-year old who is channeling artists who came before him like Bowie, Prince, Elton John, and Freddie Mercury— and looks great doing it. Read the full thing here.

Most schools these days are peanut-free zones. Woe is me for being the guy who likes to nibble on a crunchy PB&J at lunch. I will admit that in this current post, I flouted the rules. I went to a building on campus that was not being used by students and ate my lunches there to avoid spreading the peanut dust into the world for someone to stumble into it. At my other school in Qatar, I just ate in my room and hoped nothing bad ever came of it. For job (mine) and health security (others) reasons, it's good news that at least FOUR drugs for peanut allergies are set to enter the market this year. For reasons unclear, food allergies are a totally 20th-century issue, and it's getting worse. An estimated 32 million Americans have food allergies, and only 1 in 5 outgrow them. If it comes to fruition, this peanut news could lead to treatments (not cures) for all sorts of allergies currently impacting people. Lactose, eggs, shellfish. You name it. This could mean treatments for it. Read more here

File this under "advice I probably won't take but know that I should." According to the author, we should all stop using delivery apps. Doordash, Postmates, Caviar, you know them as the things you open when you're too lazy to cook. The gateways to restaurants and delivery. But the advice: cut out the middle man and order direct from the restaurant. Now it may be that the restaurant does not have a delivery option, so you use Doordash because if you're too lazy to cook, you're way too lazy to go get it yourself. But consider this: Doordash, self-proclaimed winner of the pandemic (congrats?) STILL managed to lose 149 MILLION dollars this year (a massive improvement from last year when they lost 533 million). You don't have to look hard to find stories about food delivery drivers struggling and you feeling guilty you were angry you had to tip so much. Most of these companies don't care about these employees (look into Prop 22). If you want to support small businesses, support restaurants. If you don't believe me, read here.

That’s all I’ve got for this edition. Keep up the good work. Stay home. If you need guidance, trust the germans: