April Dumps bring May…
I always write the headline last. Or the title. Depends on if you think of the Dump as more of a news story (headline) or creative non-fiction piece (title). This one is a bit of a “reader response.” What rhymes with dumps that May could bring? Think about it. Get back to me.
I’ve tried something new here today. I wrote about the stories before I wrote the intro. I typically do not “inspire” that way. I am the type of writer who walks around with a blank page for hours and weeks waiting for an inspirational first sentence to get rolling. Not TODAY friend. Today, I went body, now intro and then will wrap up with a conclusion. Never let anyone tell you that you can’t try something new.
Speaking of “what’s new.”
March, really came and went huh? It’s really just over. Time moves both fast and slow.
Me leaving the dentist post six fillings
Since we last spoke, I went to a dentist. Twice actually. The first time I popped in to, you know, just get a check. Walked out of there finding out I had six cavities they wanted to fill. This new dentist was like: Everything looks great! Your teeth are doing good, except you do have carious lesions on teeth 14, 17, 9, 21, 24 and 12. It was a real chair-being-pulled-out-from-under-me moment. Before I left Qatar, I’d seen a Lebanese dentist who I didn’t trust who told me I had one cavity. My dentist in America before that told me she had my eye on one tooth that might go. So you can imagine my shock when she hit me with the six carious lesions comment. Carious lesions are dental jargon for cavities. I just decided that I didn’t want to bother trying to find another dentist, so I said: All right, you got me! I eat a lot of candy. I had the six holes filled the next week.
I just went back thru my photos to see what else has transpired since I last checked in. We had a blizzard in Minnesota, naturally, but we also had temperatures hit 80 degrees. So yeah, things have been pretty normal here. I still have a mustache. People have been overwhelmingly supportive of this choice. One person yelled “Shave it” but I try to ignore the haters.
That’s all I can really think of in terms of news to report. My teeth. My mustache. My process. The weather. If those things are enough for you, stop reading. If you want more, then, look no further than some of the gems unearthed below.
The Truth about Private Schools
1. Unexpectedly, one of the thirstiest jobs on the internet is no doubt writing headlines for the Atlantic. You'd think that a magazine founded in 1857 would be above click-bait, but wow, would you be wrong. Recently Emily Oster —well-known to my parent friends as the woman who told mothers-to-be it was okay to have a glass of wine during their pregnancy— came under fire when her editors hung her out to dry with a headline that didn't match her thesis.
I am not weighing in on Oster's position that kids are like old people, so take them on a trip. Instead, I am here to discuss a different Atlantic piece with a no less "headline doesn't match the thesis" text. In question, today is the Atlantic's Private Schools Have Become Truly Obscene, or presented in other places as "Private Schools are Indefensible." The current headline softens the blow and is far closer to the piece's actual thesis than the sensational aspect of "Private Schools are Indefensible." In this story, the author, former prep school educator Caitlin Flanagan, explains how private schools like Dalton and Harvard-Westlake came to exert so much influence in society's upper echelons and debates the merits or usefulness of institutions that only exist to help the rich get richer.
If you are not into education, I can't blame you for not clicking the links here. Though let me just say this about private schools and this text. This story is indicative of the current trends of the nation, and I guess the world. Perhaps it's always been this way, and I am by no means shedding light or breaking ground. However, when I hear that the headmaster at one of these schools makes $700,000 and is contemplating adding a helipad, it makes me wonder: how is that, and me talking to one of my 17-year old students about WWE injuries as they independently research the human body even considered the same field?
Hold on to this story for when you are thinking about the type of education for your children. I am not sure private schools are indefensible or that all of them are obscene, but the ones in this tale certainly present one side of a convincing argument.
Sad stories about America’s economy and criminal justice system
2. If you are a long-time reader, you'll recall (no, you won't) that this summer (is summer 2020 a long time ago? Who can say?) We contemplated taking our 19th-century oak dining table to a man named Walt to refurbish it. The table is in shockingly good shape for it being so old, but it has what can only be called knicks and blemishes that align with its age.
Ultimately we decided not to use Walt. Instead, we have plans to refurb it ourselves (by "ourselves," I mean with my friend who knows more about wood and furniture than I do). We decided against Walt for two reasons. 1. He wanted $1800 2. Eliot is messy. Tonight, I sensed that Leen was growing more and more frustrated with each refused spoonful. I offered to take over dinner duty. I was no more successful in getting him to eat more of the yogurt and beef combo out of the bowl, but boy, did he have a blast digging into a bowl of yogurt and spreading the shit out of it all over the table.
As Leen returned to the table to see that it looked like a Jackson Pollock canvas, I said: Thanks for nothing, Walt. I bring this anecdote up because here is a story about a woman who just wanted to buy a table (round, like ours) but ultimately learned something about the depressing side of the American economy's current state.
If you aren’t that interested in a story about a table, and I mean, I can’t really blame you (I just wanted an excuse to post this photo), let me point you to an equally depressing story. This one instead is about the author of the hit book and screenwriter of subsequent film adaptation: Like Water For Elephants. I have neither read the book nor seen the film but I have to imagine this story, about her pursuit of justice for a random convict will be a Netflix documentary or biopic at some point in time.
The short version is: author receives letter from convict; decides to get involved; spends millions on legal fees, develops multiple health related issues; is on the brink of poverty; gets more and more ill; convict still in jail; suspected hits put out on author by people associated with crime and so on and so on. It’s a wild tale. So there you go. One about a table and one about a novelist. Don’t say I never gave you anything.
DIY inspiration and Time management tricks
3. This trick is garbage. I pretty much hate it. But it is not my job to curate only good things from time to time, but I think it's crucial to read trash every so often. The crux of this piece is that we're wasting our weekends. I am not sure when this was written. The timestamp suggests it's new, but the continent is devoid of comments such as "weekends have ceased to matter because what is time when you're always doing the same thing with the same people."
Instead, the author asks you to think: are you wasting too much time doing who knows what? Maybe if you logged your minutes each day and figured out what you do, you could identify times to help you be more productive.
It's not that this is terrible advice. At least three times per day, I Think: What on earth did I accomplish today? It’s just that this advice is the equivalent of telling someone to make a to-do list. When Leen and I were in birthing class, our instructor had us chart out a typical 24-hour period. Then she basically crossed all of it out and wrote: “BABY” in every slot. This was… sort of true, so I get it. But still, now I am at the point where I have lot of things to do. While making a list that highlights that I COULD be drilling a hole in the bathroom wall to hang a new towel bar between 12:30 and 1:30, I am not the one to be inspired to action by guilt.
The former owners of my current home left me with a lot of paint. We're talking probably 30 cans of the stuff. They left me with more shades of white than I ever realized my house even had. In addition to what they left me, I have some new paint I need to use to cover up some ugly purple color they tossed up in the basement bathroom.
As spring grinds into gear, this is clearly the time to start doing housework. Leen and I have a list of tasks we need to accomplish. The items range from grounding a plugin in the ground floor bathroom to examining a few of our gutters. I want to add a front storm door to our beautiful front blue door, but that seems like a custom job, for my woodworking skills don't accommodate that sort of work quite yet.
All of this is to say: have you ever wondered how paint gets made? I think we hear a lot about ancient Egyptians and Greeks using plants to dye things and paint things, but I don't spend a lot of time considering how I ended up with two gallons of Sherwin Williams Urbane Bronze (color of the year 2021) in my basement. Thanks to Bob Villa and a Sherwin Williams plant tour, I know now how we go from color concept to paint can. See for yourself. It's soothing. If the trick to help you reclaim your weekends helps too, then you’re welcome.
The Future of Cruises
4. Suppose you think back to early images of the COVID crisis, after the toilet paper shortages and outbreaks in China and Italy. In that case, you may recall that cruise ships were particularly hard hit. Personally, never been on a cruise ship. I took a ferry across the Bosphorus once in Istanbul to have dinner in Asia, but otherwise, I prefer air travel and cars to cruises and boats.
That said, I am constantly on the prowl for news of less-considered angles, so the detailed breakdown of the cruise industry's future from Skift magazine piqued my interest.
Here are some key details.
Carnival reports that 2022 bookings outpace 2019 totals.
Reasons for this are mixed. On the one hand, some cruise companies have announced plans to use some version of a vaccine passport, making some people enthusiastic. On the other hand, these companies have faced backlash from customers who refuse to be told they must be vaccinated to get on board; those customers have sought other cruise lines without such mandates.
Cruise destinations, Alaska, Venice and Caymans
Alaska is pivoting to airplanes. Hopeful that tourists returns via air, Alaska is spending more money on marketing towards airlines flying directly in and out of Juneau and Anchorage. While Alaska cruise tourism was booming before the outbreak, some locals worried about over-crowding and over-tourism. They are hopeful that the current situation allows for discussion about quotas and limits to ships per day and tourist stay. One cruise line has paired with a rail company and is offering short cruises combined with train trips further into the state to see more of the land away from the coast.
Venice. Recently the city announced a cruise ship ban in the historic central lagoon. This will not really deter cruises as they will simply park across the way in an industrial dock, and tourists will still descend on the city in hoards. Local experts say this move will not save or positively impact the fragile ecosystem, and not enough people are discussing ways to think innovatively about the problems.
Caymans. The future of cruises there comes down to equity and politics. Candidates are running on platforms that sometimes highlight expanding cruise access. Others have noted that because of the downturn, many cruise-adjacent industries are staffed and owned by non-Caymanians. These politicians wonder if there should be more focus on putting locals to work instead of outsourcing these lucrative opportunities to outsiders.
In my opinion: it seems like too many places, the USA included, are thinking about the cash grab that will be the immediate future when things "open back up." Instead of working towards sustainable, eco-friendly returns to "normalcy," countries and businesses alike are trying to make up as much profit as they can in the short term sacrificing long-term well-being.
Thought I’d throw in some photos there too to highlight what’s happening. We got some outdoor furniture. If you want to hang out on our patio, we have six chairs, a table, a grill and an umbrella. If you’re in South Minneapolis, drop me a line. If you’re not, drop me a line too so I can pick your brain on cruise ships or facial hair. It’s a real “the more you know” situation. Hope you had a good Easter, if you’re into that, and you’re prepping for Ramadan, good luck!
Until the next one.
